Werther de Goethe in Blue

How do I shot web?

2009-06-21T19:44:32Z

Damn you JV.

I'm amazed at how much more Homo-Erotic Japanese MTV must be. I can't think of a next sentence that won't be taken as pejorative... so here's another video:

Edit: This is how I know no one is reading this. I have a duplicate video up for 2 weeks and no one comments to tell me to fix it.

cinzazul @ 2009-06-05T23:56:00

2009-06-06T03:57:37Z

meh, first time this week I really feel like twittering and the website is down for maintenance.

also I've been leaving so many notes on accounts at work that I make changes to I'm starting to feel like I need to leave Za after every period.

The preceding sentence only makes sense if you work with me...

cinzazul @ 2009-05-23T01:55:00

2009-05-23T06:00:12Z

Sometimes I feel like I have diarrhea of the brain. Where I have to write something even if it's shit or my head will stagnate with the stench of it. I need to run my words right out of my brain, let the drip down the page, and seep through to the desk. It's like the thoughts are a thick yellow liquid that flows out of my ears and puddles on my shirt. It may be a disease, it may be a sickness. Writing the words down seems to help lance the boil, releasing the pus of my malignant thoughts out and beginning the healing process. The problem begins when I can't stand to go back and look at the filth that spilled out of my head wound. I fail at self-editing. And I know that if I can't learn to like reading my own work, there is no way anyone else will enjoy reading it either.

cinzazul @ 2009-05-23T01:28:00

2009-05-23T05:37:08Z

Painted faces, what are we living for?

Empty spaces, that lead on and on....

Darkness falls, and inside my heart is bleeding still.

Another moment, another silent release.

Filled with heartache, my blood is weak.

On and on. The darkness falls and yet I still search for the light.

Another moment, a crystal on the shelf.

A pretty picture, a toast to your health.

Tears that fall, and no one ever stopped to know your name.

Please and thank you. The words I never said.

Standing still... or standing on my head.

Alone and silent, alone in my empty bed.

Whatever happens, it wasn't happenstance,

A man, a moment, a nightmare plan.

The shadows creep across my floor, and puddle there.

I feel like I'm sinking, a chorus of regret.

I have been drinking, but I'm not even buzzing yet.

Day and night, fight for right, or simply fall apart.

In my mind now, I've left out the mat.

Open to possession, if you repossess my hat.

Silly verses, that make almost no sense at all.

Repeated cadence, it's like a chocolate rain.

Bruised and beaten, I whisper the refrain.

On and on, will I ever live to see the day?

This entries pointless, wouldn't you say?

The answer of course, was "Smack my bitch up."

2009-05-20T17:20:44Z

cinzazul @ 2009-05-20T09:58:00

2009-05-20T14:05:26Z

I woke up this morning and found these:

They are a pretty accurate description of how I've been feeling the last few days. It's been a humbling week so far. Details are unnecessary... it's just a general malaise.

For the second video I was reminded of the Prodigy video (I think?) where the entire thing is shot in first person, going to a bar getting smashed on drinks and drugs, picking up chicks, starting fights and then later finding out that it was a chick all along. I'll have to see if I can find it later.

cinzazul @ 2009-05-19T19:58:00

2009-05-20T00:12:24Z

What defines a good conversation?

Why is it that I feel that I write with more truth when I have my eyes closed? Writing blind just seems to allow me to focus on the sound of the keys more than the meaning of the words on the screen. I was looking through an old journal entry I found in one of my paper journals, dated 2003 or so... and in that entry I was complaining that there is no real equivalent to glosolallia in text form. I suppose some forms of poetry come close, but at a certain point the text medium sloshes together into illegibility. This is true of spoken glosollalia too, I suppose, but the cadence and tonality is still present and can be quite beautiful if you allow it to flow.

I don't understand the rules of attraction, I myself am attracted to others, but for the most part others are not attracted to me, or if they are I usually don't know it at the time. I seem to lack that essential bit of wiring that tells you when someone is trying to send you signals. I like to dance, I like to sing out loud and shout and jump, but I can't flirt my way out of a paper bag. It makes me feel quite lonely and I roll up my emotions into a wet towel which I snap myself on the ass with, because there's no one here to do that to me either. C'est la vie.... or is it? Is this thing I'm existing through really all there is to life?

I yearn to speak with individuals of high intelligence and humor and such, but my own limitations hold me back, and the games people play the positioning for rank, the society of internal politics, in jokes and what have you makes my entry into new realms a difficult one... always. Why Expend the effort I wonder? Is it just another blunder... does my love of words and meaning get me nowwhere... knowwhere know where? where where where.... if I could share a moment of my life, through my eyes what would I show... would I look at the mirror at my face and try to find my way back in? Or would it be better to just run and let the world see itself sped up through my lens... Would it be permissible to ad a lens flare?

I'm losing steam on this entry. I don't even know what I'm thinking, I'm just letting my tongue go to wagging, through my finger tips a clack clack clacking. Is my writing onanistic in extreme? Why do I still feel these doubts? Guess I should go log in and kill some undead for awhile to quiet my thoughts again.

cinzazul @ 2009-05-18T08:39:00

2009-05-18T12:42:29Z

For the last six months I slept on either a fouton or a blow-up-bed. I'm back to sleeping on a king-size mattress now and my back keeps waking me up going "ow" "ow" "ow wtf ow." Some friends have suggested I sleep with a pillow under my legs or directly under the small of my back. Personally I think I need someone to walk on my spine and trod those unruly vertebrae back into line. Anyone got any other ideas? Bear in mind this also may be predicated by my lack of a computer chair from whence I spend time online at home. Bean bag chairs stacked on plastic crates aren't very ergonomic.

cinzazul @ 2009-05-17T16:50:00

2009-05-17T21:04:56Z

Ah, there's rain in the air.

The sky releases it's burden

back down to the land.

I love the pit pat

Pitter Pat sound it makes

As it falls, falls, falls

Over me.

I actually ended up writing in one of my old paper journals this week. My mom was in town and took me to church with her Friday night. It was a missionary conference meeting and I was there from 6:45 until 11:35, when I snuck out during the prayer section. I got like 4 or 5 pages scribbled down of thoughts and sketches while I was there. I paid some attention to the message of the preachers, but when you were raised in the church as I was the message becomes pretty repetitive... Jesus is the answer, give up your life to him, die to sin, and be reborn in heaven. I do think that there is value in life on Earth. God granted it to us for a reason. Why not use it? Even if one doesn't believe in God or the concept of a creative force that has through destiny and the manipulation of fate lead us to this point in history, a life has value, it may be the only true value that exists in this world. And it deserves to be appreciated.

I think maybe I should skim through those old journals of mine and see if there's anything worth typing up for review in the present.

cinzazul @ 2009-05-17T16:36:00

2009-05-17T20:42:54Z

I had a very nice evening at the Castle last night. First time in a few years that when I left I was disappointed to be leaving. I ran into some friends I hadn't seen in awhile, made the official acquaintance of a new friend, and got complimented on my dancing style. Which always makes me feel good. The fact that the individual giving the compliment was a cute girl, did not hurt either.

My legs are sore today, pretty sure it has more to do with the dancing than with the gym work out I'd done earlier in the day.

I was a little sad when I woke up and decided to eat some strawberries/blackberries I'd picked up last week and found that they had already started going bad. I really need to eat that stuff when it's fresh from the store.

Mea Culpa.

I've already reposted this elsewhere twice, but since I'm trying to become active on LJ again.

2009-05-14T10:46:18Z

I originally found this from a twitter link. I think @rikkisimons posted it...

Blog he linked to.

And yes it is not even 7am and I'm posting... thanks for noticing! I woke up with a dry mouth at 5:30 am. Tried to tire myself back out by randomly clicking links online for awhile, found that and became fully awake... which means I'll be very tired tonight. Oh well!

cinzazul @ 2009-05-10T03:58:00

2009-05-10T08:03:06Z

Livejournal, Deadjournal, Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, Whirled, WoW armory, Loudcrowd, SensibleErection, Bolt(RIP), more e-mail addresses than I can remember, aim, msn, icq, yahoo messenger, who knows what else, yahoo club pages, so many lost message boards, a few locked ones I still haunt...

and now I work on the internet professionally...

Too much of my life is in front of a monitor.

You'd think I'd get better at it.

cinzazul @ 2009-04-22T23:58:00

2009-04-23T03:59:26Z

https://twitter.com/WollZazul

I think it's broken. I can't upload a picture and my profile goes to someone else... but I made an account for what it's worth.

If you have one and want to read my haiku lj posts then add me, I suppose.

cinzazul @ 2009-03-17T01:21:00

2009-03-17T05:21:39Z

Ummm... I don't know where I found this... I should have been asleep hours ago.

geek cred

2008-11-13T02:01:46Z

I'm posting from my laptop outside bestbuy camped out waiting for the release of WoTLK. Gonna be in Northrend before I sleep.

In memory of Tiger.

2008-10-15T22:58:04Z

Tiger the house cat was my oldest best friend. Originally his name was spelled with two g’s after a certain bouncing character of English literature. However as he grew older he dropped one of the g’s somewhere, we still pronounced it the old way though. He joined my family either in fourth or fifth grade so at the time of his death he was at least seventeen years old. A ripe old age for a house cat, but he was still taken from us too soon. He was fluffy and orange, he never scratched or caused pain and had a beautiful spirit that got along with everyone he ever met and sought only to please. During his life he lived in at least 9 different houses, for years he was an outdoor cat and only came in to curl up at night and eat, but at the end he was an indoor cat again always curling up next to me while I was watching TV or playing games and sitting on my chest as I drifted off to sleep. He suffered from numerous medical issues the last year or so of his life, I did my best to make him comfortable and provide him with care but in the end he slipped away while I was not at home. In a way I’m glad I wasn’t here to see his last moments, I don’t know how well I’d be dealing if he had died while I was in the room. I believe that animals are part of the great plan of God and whether or not Tiger possessed a soul as such I like to believe that a part of him continues into eternity and that perhaps I will be able to pet his fur again some day. I wrapped his physical remains in his old cat blanket and buried him amongst the mangroves behind the condo I live in. There is no marker other than the stones I disturbed while digging, but I will always know where he lies. I loved him and he is gone as a wise person once said, “There’s a cat shaped hole in my heart.”

Cross posted from my myspace blog.

2008-04-29T15:18:56Z

Violation of terms. I didn’t know! Ignorance is not a valid excuse.

We had to remove an image (or images) from your account because they violated our Terms of Use. Our site is for people as young as 14, so we can't have certain kinds of pics (nude/sexually explicit, violence). Find out more about content we don't allow here. If you continue to violate our Terms, we may be forced to remove your account.

You may feel singled out, but be assured that we delete each and every one of these images as we locate them. If you find an image which you feel is in violation of our Terms, please feel free to use the 'report image' link below the image.

Thanks for your understanding.

MySpace Safety & Security

The funny thing is the picture still exists. They just removed the link from my pictures. I know this because I only posted the picture so I could embed it to someone else. So if you follow this logic it's possible that myspace has NEVER deleted any of the pictures that people post, they just hide them. Makes you kinda wonder what they're doing with it all. Here's where the picture is located: http://a499.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/62/l_430f59e36a237fdeaa687931d7864ec2.gif
It shows two dogs having relations, and then one dog becomes ill and finds that his sick is more interesting than his partner.

So. Which one of you purient "friends" decided to report my picture?

cinzazul @ 2008-04-14T17:37:00

2008-04-14T21:38:42Z

Play is over.
Diet is started.
Warcraft account is reactivated.
Work ownership is changing.

Mmmm delishush bullet points.

cinzazul @ 2008-04-01T09:18:00

2008-04-01T13:19:14Z

Ugh. It's days like this that make me glad I spend most of my work time underwater. There are very few pranks that fish will pull on you. Well... other than attempting to eat you. They think that shit is hilarious!

cinzazul @ 2008-03-30T13:37:00

2008-03-30T17:38:42Z

Evidence that elephants are better painters than I am.

What I want to know, is this a self-portrait, or a picture of a friend/family member/elephant in love?

cinzazul @ 2008-03-29T12:38:00

2008-03-29T16:41:18Z

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/430622 I'm having more fun with that then I should.

cinzazul @ 2008-03-29T01:46:00

2008-03-29T05:48:53Z

a lot of times, when I leave comments... I'm just talking to myself, and hoping other people reply. Brevity is the soul of wit, so why do I ramble so?

Whimper

2008-03-21T04:15:39Z

cinzazul @ 2008-03-20T11:23:00

2008-03-20T15:24:26Z

huh... on a similar line to my last entry The Guardian did an article on rick-rolling. Interesting read.

Ahhhhhhhh!

2008-03-17T05:16:08Z

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Oh and watch out Gabe I'm thinking of installing this on your computer: http://fffff.at/rolltube it's an firefox add-on that turns every youtube video you try to watch into a roll. Your only hope is that I'm 1) actually not this evil 2) forget about the whole thing or 3) that someone tells you about this entry before I'm alone with your computer...